BlackDave.org – Divide and Conquer

Oh! Also, I gotta remind everyone that Kat Dennings is HAWT. Always. Anyone know how I can get that @officialkat hookup? She makes me laugh, and that’s important. Part of my fake L.A. life, I guess:

I should video blog.

Wanna know what’s NAWT? When a dude treats a girl like he owns her. It makes me mad, and the shit happens all the time. Today at work, I experienced such a thing, and just looking at the guy pissed me off…but alas, a man must purchase things for his band and other activities, so he cannot fight a man.

…like I would fight someone anyway…

Long story short…@officialkat, I will treat you with love and respect, and maybe even make you laugh. I’ll even wear kooky outfits!

PS – see my band this weekend.

PPS – can we make #KatGoesBlack a trending topic on twitter? Maybe then she’ll read my website and call me on Google Voice(on my sidebar) or something.

Hey guys.

I have some awesome news for people who have been under a rock for the past month or so:
Heroes season 4 has begun! So if you haven’t caught up or want to go into the season refreshed, make sure to go to Best Buy(yes, Best Buy), and cop the previous seasons. Then go and watch the episodes online until you’re caught up. It’s a show I highly recommend to niggas. All niggas everywhere! Bigga niggas, lil niggas, real niggas, pussy ass niggas…niggas of every shape and size! Get on it, watch heroes! Sorry, no black people though…the only black person on the show died. The show started and he was in jail for doing some gangsta shit, and then he died. I’m just gonna leave it at that.

My band is playing this Saturday at good ol’ Weekend’s Pub in Goose Creek. What a lame name for a creek. Goose. Fuck that place. Haha. Apartments are cheap as fuck though, I used to live out there. I lived with a kid who bought a car from a drug dealer…or gave a drug dealer a lot of money in hopes to receive a car. I also heard his girlfriend was fucking the dude. Drug dealers always get hooked up with that situation. I wonder if girls know that they don’t have to fuck dudes to get drugs? Probably not.

It’s always funny when I look back on a paragraph and notice how nonsensical the shit I’m writing is. I’ll start talking about my band, which is a fantastic entity, and end up talking about drugs or girls, which both aren’t fantastic entities…and it’s pretty funny. I used to want to do stand up comedy, ya know? It takes a serious amount of balls, and a serious amount of intelligence(or something) to write a good routine. I never remembered to write anything down or retain anything funny I said in my mind, so here I am writing a blog that I hope tickles some pickles instead.

I really hate when girls ask me:
1. You know Josh Keith?
I really hate when dudes ask me:
2. You know Ryan Ashley?

I would like to answer these questions here in this open forum. Yes, I know Josh, and we are friends, but if you’re going to tell me about how you made out with him once or how you’re thinking about it, please don’t. I don’t care. He’s dating my ex-girlfriend(who is way the fuck hot, but not an awesome person at all), and I guess he thinks I’m mad about it and spent a long time trying to make sure I wasn’t mad. Thanks a lot for being friendly about it, but I’m not your dad. As for the first question: I don’t know Ryan Ashley, but I do in fact know Ryan Rickard. Do you guys really know people with the last name Ashley to argue this point with me? I mean….seriously? Someone with the last name Ashley? Get the fuck out.

I said first instead of second? You thought I didn’t catch that?

Oh yeah, Emmure is playing this week in Charleston? Fight them, I will not try to do. But they do suck…and that’s enough for me.

Does anyone have any new music to recommend to me? I really hope so.

Later.

PS – New Sierra pic next post. Promise.

Hey guys. Nothing long today, just a few questions.

1) Why do Mexicans dress like cowboys? Cowboys don’t dress like cowboys, but Mexicans think it’s okay?
2) Yesterday I preferred one Ophira song over the other and it has changed today. Has this happened to you before?
3) How many more times is Thick As Blood going to come to Charleston?
4) Where da hoes at?
5) I wanna know where the gold at. Can someone lead me to that? Hopefully this leprechaun can.

6) Why the fuck am I such a rockstar?
7) No matter what, we can all agree that Yeezy isn’t a gay fish. Agreed?
H) Why the fuck isn’t @sierrve following me on twitter?

I’ve been thinking about just posting short updates, just in an effort to have more posts.

People have been going back to my Chuck Phi Chuck Post from like a year and a half ago and posting things, like…it matters.

If anyone else wants to get upset about the shit I talked about the place that I’m from at a school that I went to, let me know:
JUST CLICK RIGHT HERE

Good morrow! It appears that I have been busy as of late!
But I have returned to provide you with a service known as…I guess writing from my end. It would be reading from yours. Entertainment, or at least a short cure for boredom, for the lot of us.

Best Buy is moving in a smooth path. It leaves me with a myriad of questions though:
1) How do people not know about computers after Y2K? I mean, the world was going to be destroyed by computer malfunction or some bullshit like that. Niggas are like, “I’m just trying to get on the internet.” And I’m like, “Well, go get on it. You can do that at lots of places.” They don’t think that’s funny. And I don’t actually say that. I need to start, though.
2) I don’t like people who don’t speak English. Retail is cool, a nigga loves talking to people, but when they can’t talk back or don’t understand what I’m saying or they don’t understand that only Vista Ultimate can translate your operating system to Spanish, then I’m pissed. And that’s fucking lame.
3) Damn a nigga is ready for that employee discount.
4) How the fuck do white dudes get Asians? I’m trying to figure this out. I’m basically a white dude, right? I mean…fuck. White dudes who secure Asians, I need tips. You can comment anonymously.
5) White people crazy. Crazy as fuck.
666) If black people didn’t act so broke, and just acted like everyone else, they’d be set. White people have it down to a science, they’re all like, “We’re on a budget right now.” Black people are like, “NIGGA, I’M BROKE! DON’T TRY TO SELL ME SOME EXPENSIVE SHIT!” C’mon niggas!
777) Can we discuss number 4 again? I need that shit to happen.

So, it’s almost 2010. You remember when the Y2K bullshit was poppin and the world was gonna end? Wasn’t that awesome? I agree. I hope there’s a Y2KX bug. I hope someone blames it on me, as well. Are any 2k sports games out yet? Are they calling them 2K10 or 2KX? 2KX sounds so much better. Fuck all the nonbelievers.

Oh shit! The other day, I saw Vanna. You remember me talking about how fucking awesome their new shit is? It’s still awesome, but let me tell you what’s not awesome…their new singer. It’s this dude named Davey who just…isn’t as awesome on vocals. It ruined my experience, and I hope that when they hit the studio again that he has gotten better. If not, they should just pick me up. So my 2009 musical failures are as follows:
a) SkyEatsAirplane and Vanna losing their vocalists.
b) Sierra Emerge still not being my girlfriend.

I know Sierra is friends with a few of the dudes in Vanna, now it looks like(yes, looks like) she’s friends with my friend Skrilla Bobcat. Yes, Skrilla. That’s money for all of you slang illiterate people. Here’s proof:

Bobby and I are going to start a hip hop band. Be ready. I have all of these awesome ideas that I’ll never be able to musically transcribe.

Pharrell told me to take piano lessons, though.