BlackDave.org – Divide and Conquer

Hey guys.

I’m off from work for the next 2 days. I’m sure you don’t really care about my life, but the other day at work, I received a hefty titl-a-whirl backbreaker from a series of customers over the shittiest laptop we’ve carried in my Best Buy tenure. Here’s a scenario: 3 men, 2 women, a kid who looks like a really short Fred Durst and his shouldn’t be that hot, but is hot just because her life sucks and she isn’t atrocious , girlfriend were all ready to Angle Slam me because I sold out of the computer moments before their arrival. Fuck you. Get a better computer. I don’t wanna be Angle Slammed, Ankle Locked, fucking Chokeslammed, Tombstoned, Pedigreed, any of that shit. Not the kind of thing I go prepared to work to do.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you guys about something that I’ve recently been getting stoked about: prints. Yes, they’re basically posters, but prints are better. Why you ask? I don’t know…because they aren’t posters. Anyway, your favorite hardcore band E.V.A. is in the process of possibly getting some done and here’s one that I’m really digging:

If you click the picture, it’ll take you to our online store.

Anothr really cool one is one that my friend Carlos, ygtnha(you’ll get to know him as) Gran’, made. It appears that he’s trying to do this thing called “Come One Come All”, and here’s his first print related to that:

You can click on the print to go to his online portfolio of all of the different shit he does. Talented dude. Follow him on twitter if you want @xGran.

I haven’t talked about the new tablet phenomena that’s been poppin’ off lately! So, Archos came out with a tablet that’s running Google’s operating system, Android, on it. It’s pretty terrible. It’s a fantastic idea, but the way that Archos twisted and restricted the system, the tablet sucks for anyone who’s a legitimate enthusiast of the brand and the operating system. I have played with it a bit and it would have been fantastic, had Archos kept it open. After that failure, I decided to place my faith in Apple’s tablet venture. It was announced a couple days ago, and it’s called the iPad. iPad!? EW! What a terrible name. I’m glad everyone is calling it MaxiPad. Keep it up. To me, it’s a big iPod touch with programs redesigned to suit the size of the thing. Nothing super sick about it. No camera, not solar powered, can’t run multiple apps or anything! A lot of people I’ve talked to have expressed disappointment in the item, even a few pretty hefty Apple fanboys. I guess we’ll see. It should be out in March, I feel.

That’s really all I have for you guys. Guess I’ll toss you another picture related to a female?

@tayallday

Peace.

Hey guys.

I know I’ve been slacking on the updates lately, but it’s all the fuck good. It’s all fucking good. I’ve been playing this new MMORPG called Aion, so that you would lose respect for me.

Yesterday, @rainbro recorded the last song for the @evammh8 ep. The song is called “MMH8″. Isn’t that awesome how we keep 2008 rolling, even when it’s almost 2010? That’s probably super confusing, considering that we’re the band of the future. Just know that MMH8 is a lifestyle, and not a time period.

I really started this entry so that I could post this video that I found on the internet. It’s a Spike Jonze/Kanye West short film about Yeezy being drunk in the club called “We Were Once A Fairytale”. Super funny, and super weird. It has a lot of cool cameos in it, I saw Eric Koston, Mike Carroll, and Fonzworth Bentley(the dude who shoves Carroll). Who else is in it? Lemme know.

So, I’ve been working a lot lately…and actually not a lot, I just always feel like I wouldn’t mind working less. You ever feel like working less? I guess those of you who love your jobs don’t…but seriously…who that loves their job reads my website? Leave a comment if you love your job. The point of this whole setup actually doesn’t have much to do with anything except that I found this out while I was at work…so I’m going to continue. As you guys may or may not know, I live in Charleston, SC…which has a Navy base and an Air Force base that are both, I guess…worth a shit. I don’t know shit about any of the armed forces. Disconnect from this paragraph for a second so that I can tell you that when you say ‘military’, that’s actually JUST the army. Okay, reconnect. I don’t know if anyone else who’s witnessed these people hang out, but like…the group of them is always people who would probably hate each other if it weren’t for their time in boot camp or whatever it is people do before they get their uniforms. It’s always like, a dude in a marvel shirt, and some guy in leather Italian shoes, and then their boy in like…lightly ripped jeans with an Aeropostale hoodie to match. Always confusing me. Even when you talk to them, it’s like they don’t have shit else in common besides some random story about bootcamp. “Remember when I fell in the mud and you picked me up.” “No, I don’t remember that and stop being a pussy in front of this dude in the Best Buy t-shirt trying to sell you a computer.” Little do they know, that I’m not selling them one, but they are merely purchasing one. Black Dave hustles, but he certainly does not sell. You think on that.
Another thing to think on is that when you add a female into the mix, it’s some whole new shit. Like…a competition for her attention when she would probably rather date a dude who isn’t affiliated with that life at all. A househusband or some bullshit. Anyway…just observe next time you see them in action.

If you live in Charleston and listen to hardcore at all, you should join this website and make it worth something: www.southcarolinahardcore.com. Bet you can’t find my username.

Alright. Peace.

PS – If you haven’t seen Where the Wild Things Are yet, don’t. It ain’t worth it.

PPS – try calling me with that telephone on the sidebar.

PPPS – the video is often taken down, it’s gonna be on sale on iTunes. Shit is worth whatever the purchase price is. So fucking good. I love Spike Jonze now.

Hey guys.

I have some awesome news for people who have been under a rock for the past month or so:
Heroes season 4 has begun! So if you haven’t caught up or want to go into the season refreshed, make sure to go to Best Buy(yes, Best Buy), and cop the previous seasons. Then go and watch the episodes online until you’re caught up. It’s a show I highly recommend to niggas. All niggas everywhere! Bigga niggas, lil niggas, real niggas, pussy ass niggas…niggas of every shape and size! Get on it, watch heroes! Sorry, no black people though…the only black person on the show died. The show started and he was in jail for doing some gangsta shit, and then he died. I’m just gonna leave it at that.

My band is playing this Saturday at good ol’ Weekend’s Pub in Goose Creek. What a lame name for a creek. Goose. Fuck that place. Haha. Apartments are cheap as fuck though, I used to live out there. I lived with a kid who bought a car from a drug dealer…or gave a drug dealer a lot of money in hopes to receive a car. I also heard his girlfriend was fucking the dude. Drug dealers always get hooked up with that situation. I wonder if girls know that they don’t have to fuck dudes to get drugs? Probably not.

It’s always funny when I look back on a paragraph and notice how nonsensical the shit I’m writing is. I’ll start talking about my band, which is a fantastic entity, and end up talking about drugs or girls, which both aren’t fantastic entities…and it’s pretty funny. I used to want to do stand up comedy, ya know? It takes a serious amount of balls, and a serious amount of intelligence(or something) to write a good routine. I never remembered to write anything down or retain anything funny I said in my mind, so here I am writing a blog that I hope tickles some pickles instead.

I really hate when girls ask me:
1. You know Josh Keith?
I really hate when dudes ask me:
2. You know Ryan Ashley?

I would like to answer these questions here in this open forum. Yes, I know Josh, and we are friends, but if you’re going to tell me about how you made out with him once or how you’re thinking about it, please don’t. I don’t care. He’s dating my ex-girlfriend(who is way the fuck hot, but not an awesome person at all), and I guess he thinks I’m mad about it and spent a long time trying to make sure I wasn’t mad. Thanks a lot for being friendly about it, but I’m not your dad. As for the first question: I don’t know Ryan Ashley, but I do in fact know Ryan Rickard. Do you guys really know people with the last name Ashley to argue this point with me? I mean….seriously? Someone with the last name Ashley? Get the fuck out.

I said first instead of second? You thought I didn’t catch that?

Oh yeah, Emmure is playing this week in Charleston? Fight them, I will not try to do. But they do suck…and that’s enough for me.

Does anyone have any new music to recommend to me? I really hope so.

Later.

PS – New Sierra pic next post. Promise.

Good morrow! It appears that I have been busy as of late!
But I have returned to provide you with a service known as…I guess writing from my end. It would be reading from yours. Entertainment, or at least a short cure for boredom, for the lot of us.

Best Buy is moving in a smooth path. It leaves me with a myriad of questions though:
1) How do people not know about computers after Y2K? I mean, the world was going to be destroyed by computer malfunction or some bullshit like that. Niggas are like, “I’m just trying to get on the internet.” And I’m like, “Well, go get on it. You can do that at lots of places.” They don’t think that’s funny. And I don’t actually say that. I need to start, though.
2) I don’t like people who don’t speak English. Retail is cool, a nigga loves talking to people, but when they can’t talk back or don’t understand what I’m saying or they don’t understand that only Vista Ultimate can translate your operating system to Spanish, then I’m pissed. And that’s fucking lame.
3) Damn a nigga is ready for that employee discount.
4) How the fuck do white dudes get Asians? I’m trying to figure this out. I’m basically a white dude, right? I mean…fuck. White dudes who secure Asians, I need tips. You can comment anonymously.
5) White people crazy. Crazy as fuck.
666) If black people didn’t act so broke, and just acted like everyone else, they’d be set. White people have it down to a science, they’re all like, “We’re on a budget right now.” Black people are like, “NIGGA, I’M BROKE! DON’T TRY TO SELL ME SOME EXPENSIVE SHIT!” C’mon niggas!
777) Can we discuss number 4 again? I need that shit to happen.

So, it’s almost 2010. You remember when the Y2K bullshit was poppin and the world was gonna end? Wasn’t that awesome? I agree. I hope there’s a Y2KX bug. I hope someone blames it on me, as well. Are any 2k sports games out yet? Are they calling them 2K10 or 2KX? 2KX sounds so much better. Fuck all the nonbelievers.

Oh shit! The other day, I saw Vanna. You remember me talking about how fucking awesome their new shit is? It’s still awesome, but let me tell you what’s not awesome…their new singer. It’s this dude named Davey who just…isn’t as awesome on vocals. It ruined my experience, and I hope that when they hit the studio again that he has gotten better. If not, they should just pick me up. So my 2009 musical failures are as follows:
a) SkyEatsAirplane and Vanna losing their vocalists.
b) Sierra Emerge still not being my girlfriend.

I know Sierra is friends with a few of the dudes in Vanna, now it looks like(yes, looks like) she’s friends with my friend Skrilla Bobcat. Yes, Skrilla. That’s money for all of you slang illiterate people. Here’s proof:

Bobby and I are going to start a hip hop band. Be ready. I have all of these awesome ideas that I’ll never be able to musically transcribe.

Pharrell told me to take piano lessons, though.

Hey guys.

I’m wondering where all of you niggas were the other day for my show. Liferuiner played with us. They’d probably think that we played with them, but E.V.A. graced the stage, and then they decided to play a set. Long story short, it was the best show you never went to.

I got a job recently. I’m working for the great company known as Best Buy. I have nothing negative to say about the company or anyone I work with, but I do want to go over a few things that I forgot happened when you get a job. When you get a job, all of the people you work with aren’t allowed to have a life. At least in your mind, they aren’t. You go up to KFC trying to get you some of that Kentucky grilled chicken and the person who works two cubicles over is standing in line, and you’re looking at them all shocked and walk up to them like, “What are YOU doing here!?!?!????” Of course to the coworker, the one who is being bombarded with questions is just like, “I want grilled chicken man. This is a restaurant. People are in the kitchen, they cook my food. I eat it.” That’s where you feel stupid. This always happens to me. So if you work with me and we weren’t friends before we started working together, just approach me first in public. That way I don’t have a heart attack or my brain doesn’t melt from the confusion of you having a life. If you don’t like me but pretend to like me at work, just don’t talk to me, that way I’ll have something to call you out for…because I see you mother fuckers. All of you mother fuckers. My other favorite one is when I find out that my coworkers have hot daughters. Don’t you hate when that happens? Nothing better than me being a pedophile, right? RIGHT!?

Someone agree with me.

So, school is coming back into session soon. I don’t know why I use the concept of “school” to say that Summer is coming to an end, but I did. If you recall my post from the beginning of the Summer, you know and fully understand that the short era of the butterface is coming to an end. So, if I could offer any advice to you ladies out there with a banging body and a banged up face, it is this:
SUMMER IS ALMOST OVER! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, SECURE YOUR MAN WHILE YOU CAN STILL FLAUNT YOUR TITTIES AND NOT CATCH PNEUMONIA! <3BlkD
Now that I’ve said that, how about a message to the dudes, not as urgent, but also important. Butterface girls have low self-confidence…make them feel good and they’ll make you feel good. And no, douchebag, I’m not talking about sexually.

At this point, I’ve probably confused everyone because I’ve said something legitimate AND respectful to women in one sentence. I love y’all ladies! Don’t think I’m always rude about you guys and posting provocative pictures because I hate y’all. It’s all love.

By the way guys, I hope you all dig the new layout. I am still tweaking things, except I never really update the cosmetic part of the site, just the words and pictures of hottays! HOT-TAYS! Fuck yeah.

I know. I’ll grow up. Later, I’ll grow up later.

On a side note. Here’s some new albums that I’m telling you need to keep in your rotation
1. That newest Dance Gavin Dance album, Happiness.
2. That new Versa Emerge EP. I think it’s self titled. They don’t sound like Paramore, so it’s worth a damn.
3. That new Trophy Scars Album, it’s called Bad Luck.
4. That new Vanna album, A New Hope.
5. Make sure you peep that new Vanna for real. Shit is fire.

And by the by, Jerry Roush, the vocalist from SkyEatsAirplane, is no longer with the band. I need a couple of singing lessons, but then I’m going to try out for the band. So, see you guys on tour! Right? RIGHT!?!?!?!??

Right. Later.