BlackDave.org – Divide and Conquer

Hey.

It’s the first day of November. How exciting, right? I’m excited. November is legit as fuck. Every month is, really…except August. No holidays. My birthday though is in August, though. I’m super down with September-November because of the weather. I’m down with being cold and then getting hot and then doing it again, and every Sunday being cool and breezy. That’s Charleston weather. High of 80, low of 45, and 70 all day on Sunday with a decent breeze. Who the fuck wouldn’t like that? People who get sick, I guess…..

Speaking of being sick, are people seriously still getting the swine flu still? Can I call it that? Is my shit gonna get censored to say “H1N1″? That’d be lame. But basically, fuck y’all….swine flu is stupid and everyone who has it should know how the fuck to avoid it by now. I know you’re like, “Damn Dave, you’re harsh.” That’s fine.

Halloween was last night. It should be called, all girls should dress slutty and all dudes drink themselves into a coma and ugly girls stay home…day. Because all of those things should be in effect. Charleston in general is littered with many a fine female, and many a keg drinkin male, but some people….some people!…just aren’t as in those demographics as others. And I don’t hate you guys, dressing slutty just isn’t in your cards.

I guess I can start shamelessly promoting my 2 shows I have coming up. Firstly, FIRSTLY! November 14th! EVA is puttin’ it down at The Oasis in good ol’ James Island!!!!!!! JAMES ISLAND! THE OASIS! NOVEMEBER 14th! EVA! We’re playing with Ophira for their first show, and In Regret, this super legit hardcore band from Columbia, SC. Atop that, we are also playing with a new Charleston band called Cavalry who I can’t say anything about because I’ve never listened to them. I guess the bands that matter or whatever you wanna call it, the reason for such a great lineup for a show, are Asking Alexandria(who I’ve also never heard) and For The Fallen Dreams. So, come out and fucking mosh and watch me fight someone.

OH, and by the by, I purchased myself a new BlackBerry. Her name is Sandy Silverberry. Her pin number, which is also located on my sidebar is: 20A5A896. So think of this as a Bye-bye to Bruno and a Hello to Hiro and a Salutations to Sandy!

At the end of today, I want everyone to remember that it’s fucking November and none of the shit you do today will matter in December, so have fucking fun.

Peace.

PS – if you listen to hardcore and live in South Carolina, go here and sign up: www.southcarolinahardcore.com

PPS – new Taylor and/or Sierra pics coming up soon. I know you both read my shit, so this is me continuing to profess my love for both of you. Sadly though, first come, first serve!

Hey guys.

Let me start this post by saying that my band, E.V.A.(@EVAmmh8) is a bunch of fucking rockstars. We played a show the other night with many much other bands and amidst the many much problems during our set, we had many much fun and you guys were many much fun. Good ol Rainbro(@Rainbro) broke their mic and good ol EmDray broke his guitar whilst being awesome. Good ol me(@BlackDave) couldn’t ever get the backing tracks to work. I’m gonna start putting stories about how I’m a rockstar in the “Swagger” category, and guess what? You can’t argue with me because this is the fucking internet.

…and arguing on the internet is like the special olympics…
even if you do win, you’re still retarded.

On the subject of music, my friend’s band, Ophira(@weareophira), put two new songs on their MySpace page. I’ll give you a link: OPHIRA. I just want to talk about it, their drummer wanted me to speak a little on it, as did their old bass player. Well, last time, they sounded exactly like Oceana did on The Tide, and it was beautiful. NOW, they sound like bonus tracks on Birtheater, Oceana’s second album, which I did review. Birtheater is a fantastic album, I didn’t originally like it, but it is superb. Oceana isn’t a band anymore, so…no more new songs. Long story short, Ophira’s vocalist is a nice guy, but his screaming abilities aren’t as awesome as the band’s musical ability. I like his singing, and Ophira learned that during the first time that he wasn’t strong in the throat department, so they worked it out, and he stepped his game up so that the music isn’t too scream heavy, but still heavy. It sounds really good, I’m thoroughly impressed with it, but having jammed with these guys before, I really think that they could do better. So, here’s to a better @weareophira in the future! But they are actually good enough for most of you guys already anyway. I just know they have more to offer @BlackDave personally.

I don’t know what the name of the band means, but while we’re talking about names of bands, let me tell you what a “one upper” is, courtesy of UrbanDictionary.com:

One Upper n.

An annoying person who responds to hearing someone else’s experience or problem by immediately telling a similar story about themselves with a much more fantastic (or terrible) outcome.

Person: I got to meet James Hetfield before the concert and I got his autograph.
One Upper: Yeah? Well my cousin knows the head of security for Metallica, and he got us front row tickets to the show and then we went backstage and met the whole group. Then they invited us back to their hotel room and we partied with them all night.

Person: I have a a dislocated knee.
One Upper: Yeah? Well last summer I broke my leg in four places and had to have a steel pin inserted. I also had to have surgery done on my knee to repair the torn ligaments. I was on crutches for almost two months.

So if you know what Ophira means or stands for, spill it.

I slept for 11 hours last night, and I recall two dreams…one was a fantastic idea for a movie or video game, and the other was about this really distressing love triangle that I’m actually not involved in, nor is it a true love triangle. But it is about dudes who play in hardcore bands loving girls who sing in pop bands…and guess what? THAT IS FUCKING IMPORTANT.
So my boy @rainbro would probably not be upset if he were given a chance to be with @lightsnoise, who is currently dating @xcadaverx or The Devil Wears Prada fame…and that’s the love triangle. My love triangle, which isn’t actually a triangle, because my twitter using female band front doesn’t even have a boyfriend, is a little simpler. I just want @sierraVE. That’s not new news? Damn. So this whole paragraph was uninformative? Damn. Well, here’s a couple pictures of Sierra in her more recent travels. I pilfer them from easy to find places, so don’t think that she and I have some super awesome connection. She’s not even following me on twitter anymore! How useful that would have been when she wanted to get me into warped tour but actually couldn’t because she wasn’t following me on twitter anymore and was trying to message me so that I could meet up with her. You should prolly just slide me them digits anyway, Sierra. I dig out of town girls, and I bet:
a) You’ve never been with a black man
b) Dig out of town dudes as well.

SO…moral of the story…Sierra is a cutiepie who needs to refollow me on twitter(@BlackDave).

PS – Here’s a little promotion for everyone I’ve written about today:
OPHIRA! – @weareophira
ME! – @BlackDave
Ryan Rainbro – @rainbro CLICK HERE
E.V.A – the hardcore band Rainbro and myself are in – CLICK HERE
Valerie Poxleitner – @lightsnoise – LIGHTS(her music)
Daniel Williams – @xcadaverx – THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
Sierra Kusterbeck – @sierrave – CLICK HERE – VERSA EMERGE

PPS – I really hate when you’re on the internet trying to choose the next girl you’re gonna creep out with that “Hey, you’re hot and we should get together” MySpace message and their about me is all intelligent and shit and they’re fucking idiots. I know you’ve had that problem. I’m definitely one of the creepier dudes in my City, so this happens to me often. Not only is the girl hot and highly sought after, but is dating an ugly dude and cheating on him, and fucking stupid. So…if there are any intelligent girls residing in the Chuck looking for a man, holla!

PPPS – That was another paragraph right there.

Good morrow fine sirs and fair maidens! Tis I, Black Dave from the land where the Mountain is Pleasant, back for another grueling round of battle.

Yes. Grueling.

So, I know y’all niggas might think that I’m some sort of intellectual and shit, but all I do is watch those daytime tv shows and shit. Like, those ‘scandalous’ talk shows and all of those court shows that don’t really have super sick names. Like, why the fuck would I wanna watch “Judge Mathis” when I can watch “a black judge who thinks that every black person is a gangbanger or drug dealer unless you go to college”. The second title is a better show, all day. Why the fuck wouldn’t you watch a show with some racially motivated words. You wouldn’t watch a show called “The Niggers”? Dave Chappelle did it. I realize not that he and I should have just done a show called “Dave and Dave”, or “Dave and Black Dave”, or just “2 Niggers Who Will Make White People Laugh”. That would be a good title, right? I know someone is legit LOLing.

Laugh out louding?

ANYWAY! We’re straying from the point. I guess this question only goes to people who are also as intelligent as I am and have been watching Jerry Springer for like a hundred years, but you remember their old head security dude Steve? He’s got his own tv show where he tries to like…help people with their problems. It’s usually like gnarly shit like, “My daughter is 13 and we’re shooting up heroin together” or “I shake my baby when that bitch pisses me off”, but what we’re going to talk about is an episode about “out of control teens”. So, these bitches come out acting so god damn gangsta, and Steve’s like, “I’m bout to take y’all hoes to jail so you can see where you’re gonna be in 20 years.” Now, I’m sitting on the couch like, “Is it really gonna take them 20 years to get to jail?”  ANYWAY! These 2 girls go to jail, right? They’re both like 15 or 15 and 16 or some shit like that, and they roll up in this bitch like some sort of g’s, like they’ve been to jail before or some shit. One girl, who is like, in gangs and shit, couldn’t last one night in the place. Bitch was crying and Steve was like, “Yous a bitch, go to yo momma”, and she was like “Word, I’mma do that shit”…and her mom was like, at the entrance waitin on her. Both of them were crying and shit and it was lame and then they went to commercials. Come back, and the other girl, this super hot 15 year old who just thinks her mom talks to much is crying too! How the fuck y’all hoes thinkin y’all so gangsta but can’t stay a night in jail. Black Dave says that’s some straight dumb shit.

In case anyone didn’t know, as well…I moved back to Charleston about a week and a half ago and I’m planning to do all sorts of cool things. I’m still in my super awesome band, E.V.A, and I’m buying lots of sneakers and not fuckin any underaged girls, and watching a lot of daytime tv. And making electronic music. And I want to buy turntables. And I could probably start a sentence with “And I want” at least 15 more times. But I’ll pass.

ANYWAY!

Moral of today’s post:

1. Kat Denning’s turned 23 a couple(that’s 2) of days ago.

2. Sierra wrote me back, and it was nice. She said I was her nigga.

3. Maury is whack. So is Steve. Tell me why I watch them please.

D. What’s a good starting turntable set to get? I want to use vinyl, kthx.

5. I need a job. What you got for me? I still wanna write for you and your magazine or website or something.

Here’s a nice picture of Sierra:

Hey guys,

I passed the 60 posts mark with my last post and I don’t really want to commemorate it or anything. It just happened and I wanted to say it. Right now I’m in Charleston and watching Jerry Springer. This tiny white woman is trying to fight this big black woman. Why you ask? The black woman has been pretending to be pregnant as to continue a relationship with the white woman’s son. White woman just took out her teeth. Gotta love that nigga J Spring.

Now that I’ve elaborated on the obvious car wreck effect of Jerry Springer, I guess I’ll get to the bulk of it. Speaking of car wrecks, here’s what UrbanDictionary has to say about the sideboob:

Sideboob n.
A view of the breast from the side that is really only good-looking on hot women with large tits, and if pretty much useless on small-titted cunts.

Joanne has really small tits so her loose dress made her sideboob look like filth.

I have recently decided to take a big step in this game called “being a grown up”. No, I didn’t buy a Blackberry, but I also don’t have a Sidekick(SK2009 has twitter built in!), but I did decide on something just as important…what kind of girls I’m interested in talking to. When I’m chatting to you on aim(a program which I am probably too old for), I don’t want to hear you say “lol”. I guess I don’t want to read your text after you have typed “lol”. I’m a “haha” type, ya feel me? Does that mean I’m more mature than you? Probably not, but it certainly means that I didn’t just start sending text messages and that I like to talk to people who aren’t sitting at their computer laughing out loud all day. I don’t sit on Bruno and laugh out loud all day, and I’m certainly always on AIM…on Bruno…my G-Uno. If you don’t speak Spanish or would prefer me not have a phone with a rhyming name, it’s my G1. My cell phone. By Google. Featuring the android operating system. A big fuck you to the iPhone, because I’m reppin’ the gPhone. The aPhone. A being for either android, or for awesome. You decide. I’ve decided.

This bitch right now on Jerry is moaning while she’s making out with the dude in leopard print panties. It also appears that he wants them to fight each other. My confusion is immense. God damn Jerry Spring. God damn country hoes. Oh, shit…I live in the South too.

Moral of this post:

Someone buy me some fucking Chik-Fil-A.

Yo yo yo my niggas and bitches!!
What’s going on?

So, I’m chillin on Twitter, right? And I’m following Strictly Fitteds and they posted that “aight” is the new whack. Yo, that shit is so fucking true. We decided to make everything mean the same thing, but in a lighter way. I feel like I was watching Pimp My Ride recently and X to the Z was like “Yo dawg, I heard you like fish, so we put a fish tank in your ride!”, and dude was like “Man, fish are aight, but I really like Toaster Strudels. You couldn’t have filled my shit with Toaster Strudels?”
I feel the motherfuck out of that shit. Give me a toaster strudel any day of the week.
You know another one that is similar to that? Sick being the new ill. I just don’t get how being sick is better than being ill in the context of slang. I know when niggas are ill, they die. And when niggas are sick, they get better. Now, if you’re trying to talk about how your shit is the best, you’re gonna tell me you aren’t gonna wanna kill niggas with that shit? Black Dave don’t believe that.
Start saying ‘ill’ again.

Have you heard about my band, EVA, yet? We just put a newer version of an older song online. None of our songs are really ‘old’, we’ve played one show and haven’t fully finished recording our EP yet. Anyway, peep our MySpace page if you haven’t heard it yet and show some love.
www.myspace.com/EVAh8

Kulture Klash is coming up! I will say that Charleston sucks and I will often times find myself bored within the town/city, BUT Kulture Klash is fucking dope. I’ve been to the last two, I wrote the first one off as “some faggot shit”, but it was actually like, some revolutionary shit for Chucktown. The video at the top of the page is the first one I went to, Kulture Klash II, or 2. I don’t give a fuck really. You don’t pronounce it like “Kulture Klash Aye Aye” anyway. If someone does, that’s worth getting pissed about. I don’t get pissed, but that’s worth it! WORTH IT! Are you listening? If you say II or if you call this new one “Kulture Klash Vee Aye”, I will not only be pissed, but I’ll push you. Yes, I’ll push you. Fighting someone over that is stupid, but pushing still sends the message.
KK3 video on the bottom.

Yo, what the hell is up with everyone being stoked about Twitter now that their favorite band has it? I won’t lie, my band has one, as well as some of my favorite bands. Here’s a few:
EVA(my band) – www.twitter.com/evah8
Thursday – www.twitter.com/thursdayband
Enter Shikari – www.twitter.com/entershikari
Skyeatsairplane – www.twitter.com/skyeatsairplane
Norma Jean – www.twitter.com/normajeanband
Peter Bjorn and John – www.twitter.com/peterbjornjohn
PEARL JAM! – www.twitter.com/pearljam
The Raconteurs – www.twitter.com/theraconteurs
BRITNEY SPEARS – www.twitter.com/britneyspears
Regina Spektor – www.twitter.com/reginaspektor
Q-Tip – www.twitter.com/qtiptheabstract
Sonic Youth – www.twitter.com/thesonicyouth
Timbaland – www.twitter.com/timbaland
Lil Wayne – www.twitter.com/lilwayne
Ghostface Killah – www.twitter.com/ghostfacekillah
MC Hammer – www.twitter.com/MCHammer
Sigur Ros – www.twitter.com/sigurros
Mos Def – www.twitter.com/mosdef
Beastie Boys – www.twitter.com/beastieboys
Death Cab for Cutie – www.twitter.com/dcfc
Interpol – www.twitter.com/interpol
Soulja Boy – www.twitter.com/souljaboytellem
The Cab – www.twitter.com/thecab
Serra Velle – www.twitter.com/serravellefl

Now you have a reason to get a fucking twitter
WWW.TWITTER.COM

Peace.