BlackDave.org – Divide and Conquer

Hey guys.

I have some awesome news for people who have been under a rock for the past month or so:
Heroes season 4 has begun! So if you haven’t caught up or want to go into the season refreshed, make sure to go to Best Buy(yes, Best Buy), and cop the previous seasons. Then go and watch the episodes online until you’re caught up. It’s a show I highly recommend to niggas. All niggas everywhere! Bigga niggas, lil niggas, real niggas, pussy ass niggas…niggas of every shape and size! Get on it, watch heroes! Sorry, no black people though…the only black person on the show died. The show started and he was in jail for doing some gangsta shit, and then he died. I’m just gonna leave it at that.

My band is playing this Saturday at good ol’ Weekend’s Pub in Goose Creek. What a lame name for a creek. Goose. Fuck that place. Haha. Apartments are cheap as fuck though, I used to live out there. I lived with a kid who bought a car from a drug dealer…or gave a drug dealer a lot of money in hopes to receive a car. I also heard his girlfriend was fucking the dude. Drug dealers always get hooked up with that situation. I wonder if girls know that they don’t have to fuck dudes to get drugs? Probably not.

It’s always funny when I look back on a paragraph and notice how nonsensical the shit I’m writing is. I’ll start talking about my band, which is a fantastic entity, and end up talking about drugs or girls, which both aren’t fantastic entities…and it’s pretty funny. I used to want to do stand up comedy, ya know? It takes a serious amount of balls, and a serious amount of intelligence(or something) to write a good routine. I never remembered to write anything down or retain anything funny I said in my mind, so here I am writing a blog that I hope tickles some pickles instead.

I really hate when girls ask me:
1. You know Josh Keith?
I really hate when dudes ask me:
2. You know Ryan Ashley?

I would like to answer these questions here in this open forum. Yes, I know Josh, and we are friends, but if you’re going to tell me about how you made out with him once or how you’re thinking about it, please don’t. I don’t care. He’s dating my ex-girlfriend(who is way the fuck hot, but not an awesome person at all), and I guess he thinks I’m mad about it and spent a long time trying to make sure I wasn’t mad. Thanks a lot for being friendly about it, but I’m not your dad. As for the first question: I don’t know Ryan Ashley, but I do in fact know Ryan Rickard. Do you guys really know people with the last name Ashley to argue this point with me? I mean….seriously? Someone with the last name Ashley? Get the fuck out.

I said first instead of second? You thought I didn’t catch that?

Oh yeah, Emmure is playing this week in Charleston? Fight them, I will not try to do. But they do suck…and that’s enough for me.

Does anyone have any new music to recommend to me? I really hope so.

Later.

PS – New Sierra pic next post. Promise.

Hey guys.

Let me start this post by saying that my band, E.V.A.(@EVAmmh8) is a bunch of fucking rockstars. We played a show the other night with many much other bands and amidst the many much problems during our set, we had many much fun and you guys were many much fun. Good ol Rainbro(@Rainbro) broke their mic and good ol EmDray broke his guitar whilst being awesome. Good ol me(@BlackDave) couldn’t ever get the backing tracks to work. I’m gonna start putting stories about how I’m a rockstar in the “Swagger” category, and guess what? You can’t argue with me because this is the fucking internet.

…and arguing on the internet is like the special olympics…
even if you do win, you’re still retarded.

On the subject of music, my friend’s band, Ophira(@weareophira), put two new songs on their MySpace page. I’ll give you a link: OPHIRA. I just want to talk about it, their drummer wanted me to speak a little on it, as did their old bass player. Well, last time, they sounded exactly like Oceana did on The Tide, and it was beautiful. NOW, they sound like bonus tracks on Birtheater, Oceana’s second album, which I did review. Birtheater is a fantastic album, I didn’t originally like it, but it is superb. Oceana isn’t a band anymore, so…no more new songs. Long story short, Ophira’s vocalist is a nice guy, but his screaming abilities aren’t as awesome as the band’s musical ability. I like his singing, and Ophira learned that during the first time that he wasn’t strong in the throat department, so they worked it out, and he stepped his game up so that the music isn’t too scream heavy, but still heavy. It sounds really good, I’m thoroughly impressed with it, but having jammed with these guys before, I really think that they could do better. So, here’s to a better @weareophira in the future! But they are actually good enough for most of you guys already anyway. I just know they have more to offer @BlackDave personally.

I don’t know what the name of the band means, but while we’re talking about names of bands, let me tell you what a “one upper” is, courtesy of UrbanDictionary.com:

One Upper n.

An annoying person who responds to hearing someone else’s experience or problem by immediately telling a similar story about themselves with a much more fantastic (or terrible) outcome.

Person: I got to meet James Hetfield before the concert and I got his autograph.
One Upper: Yeah? Well my cousin knows the head of security for Metallica, and he got us front row tickets to the show and then we went backstage and met the whole group. Then they invited us back to their hotel room and we partied with them all night.

Person: I have a a dislocated knee.
One Upper: Yeah? Well last summer I broke my leg in four places and had to have a steel pin inserted. I also had to have surgery done on my knee to repair the torn ligaments. I was on crutches for almost two months.

So if you know what Ophira means or stands for, spill it.

I slept for 11 hours last night, and I recall two dreams…one was a fantastic idea for a movie or video game, and the other was about this really distressing love triangle that I’m actually not involved in, nor is it a true love triangle. But it is about dudes who play in hardcore bands loving girls who sing in pop bands…and guess what? THAT IS FUCKING IMPORTANT.
So my boy @rainbro would probably not be upset if he were given a chance to be with @lightsnoise, who is currently dating @xcadaverx or The Devil Wears Prada fame…and that’s the love triangle. My love triangle, which isn’t actually a triangle, because my twitter using female band front doesn’t even have a boyfriend, is a little simpler. I just want @sierraVE. That’s not new news? Damn. So this whole paragraph was uninformative? Damn. Well, here’s a couple pictures of Sierra in her more recent travels. I pilfer them from easy to find places, so don’t think that she and I have some super awesome connection. She’s not even following me on twitter anymore! How useful that would have been when she wanted to get me into warped tour but actually couldn’t because she wasn’t following me on twitter anymore and was trying to message me so that I could meet up with her. You should prolly just slide me them digits anyway, Sierra. I dig out of town girls, and I bet:
a) You’ve never been with a black man
b) Dig out of town dudes as well.

SO…moral of the story…Sierra is a cutiepie who needs to refollow me on twitter(@BlackDave).

PS – Here’s a little promotion for everyone I’ve written about today:
OPHIRA! – @weareophira
ME! – @BlackDave
Ryan Rainbro – @rainbro CLICK HERE
E.V.A – the hardcore band Rainbro and myself are in – CLICK HERE
Valerie Poxleitner – @lightsnoise – LIGHTS(her music)
Daniel Williams – @xcadaverx – THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
Sierra Kusterbeck – @sierrave – CLICK HERE – VERSA EMERGE

PPS – I really hate when you’re on the internet trying to choose the next girl you’re gonna creep out with that “Hey, you’re hot and we should get together” MySpace message and their about me is all intelligent and shit and they’re fucking idiots. I know you’ve had that problem. I’m definitely one of the creepier dudes in my City, so this happens to me often. Not only is the girl hot and highly sought after, but is dating an ugly dude and cheating on him, and fucking stupid. So…if there are any intelligent girls residing in the Chuck looking for a man, holla!

PPPS – That was another paragraph right there.

Hey guys.

I have a lot of shit that I’ve been meaning to say, and…sadly, I’ve kept procrastinating and have forgotten everything that I was supposed to write, except one thing. So this post is basically going to be all improvised.

My band, E.V.A. (link attached), is playing a show tonight at The New Brookland Tavern, located in sunny Columbia, South Carolina. Let me tell you a few things about Columbia:
1. I love going to New Brookland
2. I hate the kids in Columbia who go to shows
3. USC has many much hot girls.

I know you’re like, “How can you love NBT if you hate everyone there?”, and I pose one question in rebuttal:
How can you breathe the same air as someone you hate probably more than I just dislike the kids I see standing on the floor in front of me while I’m trying to remember how to play my band’s songs?

The simplified version of this is, “How can you even breathe?”
I’ll wait why you think of an answer. I’m not a very hateful person, I love everyone, even if I don’t necessarily like them. So, everyone who comes to my shows, and everyone who doesn’t…it’s all love. I’d prefer if y’all niggas came, though.

So it looks like Summer is over. This past week we had some pretty Autumn…esque weather. It was sick as fuck! It makes me want to uhh…be glad that butterface season is almost over. Rule of thumb, when September comes up in the south, it’s time for you guys to secure your man! The motto of September is “Secure your man!” Hopefully every butterfaced girl who is actually worth a shit has a dude who is actually worth a shit.

Speaking of New Brookland Tavern, I saw Vanna there the other day. They have a new vocalist. His name is Davey. He has this bird that looks like the Twitter bird tattooed on his back…twice. He has the twitter bird tattooed on his back twice. That’s two times. Like the equivalent of my friend Laura Boyd’s tats around her titties. I’m gonna pilfer a picture from her MySpace or Facebook or something in just a second. Long story short, add Vanna to my disappointment list. Davey’s a terrible vocalist and I actually CAN wait to hear their next album. A New Hope is apparently the end of Vanna’s hot streak.

I bought a BlackBerry the other day. It’s a Curve 8330. It’s red. I’m going to get that shit custom plated. I would like to live a custom plated life if at all possible. If I could transform into a robot like Michael Jackson in “Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker”, then I’d be set. It appears that no one cares about MJ being a suspected child molester now that he has passed. I hope the dudes on “To Catch A Predator” are that lucky. After they get beaten to death in jail by dudes that they all have a change of heart like, “Damn, he actually had great qualities below that creepy exterior.” I don’t know how that works. No one’s caught me molesting kids yet, so I can’t speak on it. TMI? Probably. The moral of this paragraph is that I wanted to tell you my BlackBerry pin.
HERE’S MY BLACKBERRY PIN: 30A3C43B

If I can offer up a few albums to listen to for you guys once again, here’s a couple:
1. Dance Gavin Dance put out two albums this year, they’re both so fucking good. I remember talking about one when it was streaming on SmartPunk or something. They came out with another album since then, and it’s super super good. It’s called ‘Happiness’.
2. Blueprint 3? I haven’t listened to it yet, but Jay-Z is never too bad. He CAN be bad though.
3. I can also tell you not to listen to the Four Year Strong 90′s cover album. While I was peeping it with Rainbro the other day, I said, “I can see why I would definitely hate this band.” And…I definitely do.

I have a job now. I buy things now.
Isn’t that cool? Probably. I think so.

And to end this post, a picture of my friend Laura. She’s super pretty, but she used to be quite a bit more awesome in her previous years. Still not a bad person though. This is a girl who has no trouble securing her man during any time of the year.

Hey guys.

I’m wondering where all of you niggas were the other day for my show. Liferuiner played with us. They’d probably think that we played with them, but E.V.A. graced the stage, and then they decided to play a set. Long story short, it was the best show you never went to.

I got a job recently. I’m working for the great company known as Best Buy. I have nothing negative to say about the company or anyone I work with, but I do want to go over a few things that I forgot happened when you get a job. When you get a job, all of the people you work with aren’t allowed to have a life. At least in your mind, they aren’t. You go up to KFC trying to get you some of that Kentucky grilled chicken and the person who works two cubicles over is standing in line, and you’re looking at them all shocked and walk up to them like, “What are YOU doing here!?!?!????” Of course to the coworker, the one who is being bombarded with questions is just like, “I want grilled chicken man. This is a restaurant. People are in the kitchen, they cook my food. I eat it.” That’s where you feel stupid. This always happens to me. So if you work with me and we weren’t friends before we started working together, just approach me first in public. That way I don’t have a heart attack or my brain doesn’t melt from the confusion of you having a life. If you don’t like me but pretend to like me at work, just don’t talk to me, that way I’ll have something to call you out for…because I see you mother fuckers. All of you mother fuckers. My other favorite one is when I find out that my coworkers have hot daughters. Don’t you hate when that happens? Nothing better than me being a pedophile, right? RIGHT!?

Someone agree with me.

So, school is coming back into session soon. I don’t know why I use the concept of “school” to say that Summer is coming to an end, but I did. If you recall my post from the beginning of the Summer, you know and fully understand that the short era of the butterface is coming to an end. So, if I could offer any advice to you ladies out there with a banging body and a banged up face, it is this:
SUMMER IS ALMOST OVER! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, SECURE YOUR MAN WHILE YOU CAN STILL FLAUNT YOUR TITTIES AND NOT CATCH PNEUMONIA! <3BlkD
Now that I’ve said that, how about a message to the dudes, not as urgent, but also important. Butterface girls have low self-confidence…make them feel good and they’ll make you feel good. And no, douchebag, I’m not talking about sexually.

At this point, I’ve probably confused everyone because I’ve said something legitimate AND respectful to women in one sentence. I love y’all ladies! Don’t think I’m always rude about you guys and posting provocative pictures because I hate y’all. It’s all love.

By the way guys, I hope you all dig the new layout. I am still tweaking things, except I never really update the cosmetic part of the site, just the words and pictures of hottays! HOT-TAYS! Fuck yeah.

I know. I’ll grow up. Later, I’ll grow up later.

On a side note. Here’s some new albums that I’m telling you need to keep in your rotation
1. That newest Dance Gavin Dance album, Happiness.
2. That new Versa Emerge EP. I think it’s self titled. They don’t sound like Paramore, so it’s worth a damn.
3. That new Trophy Scars Album, it’s called Bad Luck.
4. That new Vanna album, A New Hope.
5. Make sure you peep that new Vanna for real. Shit is fire.

And by the by, Jerry Roush, the vocalist from SkyEatsAirplane, is no longer with the band. I need a couple of singing lessons, but then I’m going to try out for the band. So, see you guys on tour! Right? RIGHT!?!?!?!??

Right. Later.

If you don’t want to be my friend anymore…

…then don’t come to my show.

Friends should support their friends. End of story.

Later.