BlackDave.org – Divide and Conquer

So I’m chillin out, watching the Simpsons, trying to find a girl to hit on on MySpace, and I come across a bulletin by this band I’m really into called Oceana. They broke up recently, but the news has arrived that they are back together! I was so excited that I took a print screen of the bulletin and I’m posting it here now:

So long story short, I love South Florida, aka SoFlo. Why you ask:
1. Oceana.
2. Taylor Stradling/Sierra Emerge (picture coming soon).
3. The Miami Dolphins.
4. I’m kidding about 3.
5. Bobby Shell, who doesn’t actually live in SoFlo, but is still the shit.

Truthfully, number 2 carries this list all by herself. But there’s 5 reasons why I love South Florida, and maybe when I update again, I’ll tell you some stories or something. But until that time, here’s a video from Oceana’s first last show:

P.S. – DJ Hero is siq as fuq. And if you have twitter how about putting “#bjhero” at the end of your tweets?

Hey guys.

I wish that I could talk about the girls in South Carolina that I think are hot and awesome, but we have a huge lack of that, so I go to my nearest favorite state, as usual, Florida! I guess I’ll start with a picture.

Alright. This girl is from South Florida. Her name is Taylor. Taylor Stradling. Her last name isn’t really Stradling, and the story behind it isn’t anything sexual. If you’re prepared for a story, here it is, directly from her:

I hate the big deal everyone makes about it, haha. All the time I get, “Oh, so you straddle people, huh? That’s sexy” & im like, “Um, thats actually spelled straddling, k thanks.”
It’s a long story. It’s from a park by my house that me & my friend used to go to late at night, & basically these little kids were hogging the swings, & we were like, “Hey kids, don’t you know who we are?!?”
& they were like “…?”
and we’re like, “Taylor & Melissa Stradling, duh”.
(the park’s name is Betty Stradling)
& the little kids were like omg !
and gave us the swings
LOL who woulda known it’d work ;]
See, its a total non sexual lame story

That was a long story, Taylor, but well told! Golly gee was it well fucking told! I feel like anything she says to me is well told. She could be like, “Once upon a time, and the moral of the story is ‘don’t trust dogs,’” and I’m just like…”Damn, Tay, that’s deep as a bitch.”

I just wanted to talk about something positive in the middle of Bummer Summer 2009. And that positive thing is, indeed, Taylor Stradling from Florida. She’s 21, fly as fuck, and not single as fuck, but definitely single if you’re awesome enough. She’s probably just regular single right about now. Long story short, be awesome, travel to South Florida, try to get with Taylor or Sierra, and come to South Carolina and tell me you did it for me!

Dear Obama,
I really don’t give a fuck about the failing economy or the pending World War 3. I don’t give a fuck whether you’re black or not or if you’re gonna get assassinated by someone in the Klan. I don’t even give a fuck that you probably love Tyler Perry movies. I know your next 4 years are gonna be hard, but all I need, ALL A NIGGA NAMED DAVE NEEDS, is for you to get me these things:


CHILLY FUCKIN CEEJAY

and

SIERRA EfuckinMERGE.

A big fuck you goes out to Florida for having these things and leaving me with nothing.

Sincerely yours Mr. President-elect,
Sincerely fucking yours.

And keep myspace free.