I heard you liked…
What up?
I was going to write this yesterday, but instead I helped work on a slide puzzle in Silent Hill for four hours. Now you’re thinking, “Damn, a nigga can’t do a slide puzzle?” And I’m thinking, “Damn. Fuck you.”
Now that was mean. I’m usually not that mean.
You know what else is mean? There’s application for Bruno called ‘Yo Dawg’. That’s mean. Let me see if urbandictionary can shed some light on this situation for you.
lol theory
The theory that the internet phrase lol, meaning “laugh out loud”, can be used in any part of any sentence to make said sentence lose all seriousness and credibility.
Doctor: We’re going to have to operate on your colon, lol, you have cancer.
Jesus: Eat this all of you, lol, it is my body.
John: Looks like we have to get married Ashley, lol, you just gave me herpes!
I know if I get some gnarly std from a bitch, she’s marrying me. I don’t have time to find a girl who’s gonna love me so much that she’ll fuck my infested ass. Don’t have time.
I think this is probably the part where my karma payment plan kicks in and I either:
A. Do something really good/nice/philanthropic.
or
B. Get an STD.
I’m praying for A.
But we’ve gotten way off subject. Yo Dawg! Let me begin to explain this app to you. Have you ever seen the show ‘Pimp My Ride’ with Xzibit? He fixes people’s fucked up cars and makes them…less fucked up. Usually involving a paintjob and some rims and a custom interior and some other really random thing like a fish tank or a place for you to store 40 hats or a computer in your trunk(that you cant remove) or some shit like that. Well, Yo Dawg! works on this idea:
Yo dawg, I heard you liked G1′s, so I put a G1 in your G1 so you can see a G1 on your G1 while you’re using your G1!
And of course, knowing me, I had to put that shit on Bruno. It’s nothing more than a picture of a G1 with Xzibit’s grinning face on it.
Genius. Simply genius.
My friends and I thought of our own “Yo Dawg” phrases and here’s some of my favorites:
1. Yo dawg, I heard you liked tee shirts, so I put a tee shirt on your tee shirt!
2. Yo dawg, I heard you liked islands, so I put your car on an island.
3. Yo dawg, I heard you hated kids, so instead of fixing your car, we filled your house with children!
D. Yo dawg, I heard you liked your girlfriend, so we put her in the trunk!
5. Yo dawg, I heard you liked cocaine, so we filled your trunk with cocaine!
6. Yo dawg, I hate cops, too, so we put one in your trunk.
G. Yo dawg, I heard you liked my music, and that’s a mistake.
Leave me some of your favorite “Yo dawg” phrases.
If you can’t tell, it usually goes, Yo dawg, I heard you liked ITEM so we put ITEM in your PLACE. That damned Xzibit and that damned MTV. Neither of them playing music anymore and shit.
Now as much as everyone hated Pimp My Ride(even though you all probably had the video game), I want to Pimp My Bruno. I’m on that shit all day anyway, so I may as well. Here’s what West Coast Customs is gonna do:
Gold plate my nigga, Bruno.
Put a Thursday dove on his back.
Write “Powered by car crashes” under the dove.
Then pull on my shirt and tell me I’ve been pimped.
Speaking of Thursday, and speaking of car crashes, them niggas in Thursday are playing the most important show of my life thus far. Tonight. In Rhode fucking Island. They’re playing all of their album, “Full Collapse”, from start to finish. Now something of this magnitude has only happened to me one time before, and that was when Glory of This got back together after two years to play a show in Pensecola with their original members. That show, I managed to see. Twas a 10 hour drive, but definitely top 5 shows of my life. Dont ask me who else played, it’s unimportant. They played their album, “Adoration” in it’s entierety sans one song that everyone in the band hated(but all the fans loved) and a song from their demo and one song, they played it twice.
Big shouts to youtube for capturing portions of the pivotal moment in my life, and further extending my love for certain parts of Florida.
So, to sum this up:
1. Yo Dawg is the best app for the G1.
2. Bruno is going to be golden and powered by a car crash.
3. If you aren’t seeing Thursday tonight. Your life is worth nothing, just like mine.
4. If you missed the Glory of This reunion show, your life is worth even less than previously.
5. Glory of This and Thursday have a lot in common.
5a) Better than A Day to Remember.
5b) Changed my life
5c) Ain’t scurred to play their old shit in it’s entirety.
5d) Better than ADTR!
6. http://rainbro.blogspot.com – FUNNIER THAN ME?
7. http://www.myspace.com/EVAh8 – SHIRTS OUT TODAY!
8. http://www.twitter.com/EVAmmh8 – SHIRTS OUT TODAY!
9. Does Xzibit still make albums?