BlackDave.org – Divide and Conquer

Hey guys.
I’m not even going to try to tell you what Valentine’s Day actually is.

I was scoping out Urban Dictionary today to find out that people who post on there are the ones who hate the holiday more than anyone. I think that they hate it just about as much as Michael Cera was hatin these niggas in the next video:

And if that ain’t hate, then I don’t know what to tell you.

I hate Valentine’s Day too. Why? Not because I never have a girlfriend on the day, but because I’m poor and even if I wanted to take myself out, I couldn’t. You know when niggas are all like “I’m gonna take my boo to the fuckin movies and dinner and shit and then I’m gonna wear that pussy out!” Wear that pussy out? Like you’re gonna wanna fuck a worn out pussy after it’s initial wearing? BAD IDEA FELLAS! BAD FUCKING IDEA! I don’t even like to wear green tee shirts out and you wanna wear a pussy out!

Fucking idiots.

I made this girl a mix cd for the holiday though. Click the album art to download it:

And in case you were wondering what Valentine’s Day meant to the niggas who are hatin it out there:

1.Valentine’s Day

AKA International ‘crying and masturbating’ day.

It’s Valentines Day, so I’ll have a little wank and a little cry.

2. Valentine’s Day

Just another dumb holiday to make single people feel like second-class citizens.

I HATE Valentines Day. Every year its the same thing, “I’ll have someone next year” or maybe “see what next year holds” or “you will have someone real soon.” Bla Blaa Bla. Hell, I’m almost 30 and still alone. It all makes me sick.

3. Valentine’s Day
Named after an early christian martyr named Valentine, it is the one day where people who have no chance of getting with a girl in any way shape or form realize that fact even more…
also, the really lonely people’s mothers say they will be their valentine because they know their son it pathetic

Eli Manning – It’s Valentine’s Day again and nobody loves me. Especially since the Giants robbed the Pats of the superbowl win.
Eli’s Mother – It’s okay, honey. If it makes you feel better, I’ll be your valentine.
Eli Manning: *sniffles* Okay.

Please download that mix, too.
It’s not awesome, but I bet there’s something on there that you may not have heard before.

Yo.

Lets start this off by saying that I’m listening to the ISMFOF album right now. I’ll get to that later on.

Vanna is on tour with Ligeia right now, and they played here in Charleston last night. I know you’re like, “Hey Black Dave, they were the shit in 2006, and then they decided to fall off of the face of the planet and you’re a faggot for even mentioning them”, but there’s this phrase I’ve been exercising a lot and goes something like “fuck off”. Anyway, they were real good and I figured I should mention it. If you ever see Vanna and they don’t play a song called ‘I Am The Wind, You Are The Feather’, tell them that you’ll fight them and then have the kid next to you tell them that he/she’ll blow them if they don’t play it. Preferrably a dude on the blowjob. Worked for us…it’ll work for you.

Apparently this blog has gotten over 3,000 views so far and I have by no means written 3,000 views worth of posts. If you like my shit let me know. If you hate it, let me know.
Speaking of hating my blog, about a week ago someone IM’ed me like “I would never let my child read your blog”. I didn’t know who it was, and I know I hate when people ask me who I am on aim(probably because my screename is ‘itsblackdave’), so I didn’t ask and politely responded with, “Then tell em not to.” “Tell who?” “Your son.” “I don’t have a child, it’s rude you would assume that.” Well, in rebuttal…fuck you.

I bet you guys have noticed that autumn is on the horizon. The only thing I’ve noticed is that a few months ago, the birds were red, and now they’re blue. That bothers the shit out of me. I know when Michael Jackson switched from black to white, mad niggas were bothered. But when blue birds replace the red ones, no one gives a fuck. I give a fuck! Someone call Obama or that old dude running for president and tell them to fix that in 2009. Well, don’t call Obama, I think he’s down with the color change. He’s all about that god damn change.

Speaking of change, follow me on Twitter:

http://www.twitter.com/blackdave

Let me tell you about this I Set My Friends On Fire album, titled “You Can’t Spell Slaughter Without Laughter”. Dearest Epitaph, you had to have known this was a bad idea and that there are a million better “cyber” bands out there. When you’re in the same scene as ISMFOF, you’re called “cyber(insert word)”. Cybergrind. Cybercore. Cybergore. Yes…gore is now an official genre. Ask my friends in 100deadrabbits. They’re nintendoGORE. Think about HORSE the Band, they call themselves Nintendocore, and make it gory. Funny the power of a g.

http://www.myspace.com/100deadrabbits

Speaking of G…the ISMFOF album was not that good. I’ve been to several websites and all of them agree that the album is worth about one half of a star. That’s 2 and a half points out of 25. The best song is “Things That Rhyme With Orange”, and the worst song is everything else. I’ll listen to “But the Nuns are Watching” and not want to fight Vincent, who will end my life if we engaged in such an event.

Who’s Vincent you ask?

Speaking of Vincents…Kat Dennings still hasn’t called me. Or that nigga Michael Cera.

I’ll be calling Sierra Emerge soon, to set up our wedding, of course.

If you don’t leave me a comment, you suck as bad as this ISMFOF album.

Yesterday, I received a grand total of 16 views. How awesome are you 16 going to feel for being OG viewers of my blog when this shit blows up? It’s only inevitable that I say something profound and kids are all about seeing me rant about random things.

Speaking of inevatibility, I saw “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist” today. Let me tell give you a few insights:
1) I dare Michael Cera, the guy who plays Nick, to make a movie outside of being a sensitive musician dude. I fucking dare him. You know what would be sick? Die Hard 5 starring Michael Cera.
2) I further dare Michael Cera to be my best friend. Maybe one day he’ll google himself and see how many times he came up in this blog and want to call me.
C) I tried so hard the whole movie to make Kat Dennings, the girl who played Norah, ugly. At first I was like…”she’s not supposed to be that super hot girl”, but she was, and it broke my heart. So…
4) I have a dare for you, Kat Dennings. I’m a 21 year old black musician. Let’s go on a date. I’ll fly to LA or wherever you are. We can even make a fucking game show out of it.
“America’s Next Top Date Kat Dennings”. I’ll fight mad niggas. Fuck, I’ll even fight that dude Vincent who I’ll talk about later.
5) I dare any nigga to tell me that movie was bad. Any nigga!
6) I’d be sad if I missed Where’s Fluffy because I didn’t want to walk onto some random nigga’s roof. But I guess that’s the difference between NYC and…..Charleston. Roofs belong to the public.

Speaking of niggas, what are you going to be for Halloween? Please tell me it’s the sexy (insert job you’d never actually do). Sexy racecar driver? No helmet? You can’t wear a helmet and be sexy? Tell me safe ain’t sexy. I know the sexy cop doesn’t wear a bulletproof vest. I want a sexy robber to shoot a sexy cop and tell me how that ends up.

Speaking of robbers, please tell me you’re watching Heroes on NBC. Actually, don’t tell me. Just watch it. Comes on tomorrow night. You got mad catching up to do. Only about 38 episodes. They’re about 42 minutes a piece. Don’t hurt yourself though. I did it in about a week with the help of Rainbro.
LINK DROP! http://rainbro.wordpress.com/

And to conlude my post today, you’re gonna read this and go “1, 2, C, 4, 5, 6?”, and I’m going to hate you forever. I think I said some more important things than that.