BlackDave.org – Divide and Conquer

What up?

I was going to write this yesterday, but instead I helped work on a slide puzzle in Silent Hill for four hours. Now you’re thinking, “Damn, a nigga can’t do a slide puzzle?” And I’m thinking, “Damn. Fuck you.”
Now that was mean. I’m usually not that mean.

You know what else is mean? There’s application for Bruno called ‘Yo Dawg’. That’s mean. Let me see if urbandictionary can shed some light on this situation for you.

lol theory

The theory that the internet phrase lol, meaning “laugh out loud”, can be used in any part of any sentence to make said sentence lose all seriousness and credibility.

Doctor: We’re going to have to operate on your colon, lol, you have cancer.

Jesus: Eat this all of you, lol, it is my body.

John: Looks like we have to get married Ashley, lol, you just gave me herpes!

I know if I get some gnarly std from a bitch, she’s marrying me. I don’t have time to find a girl who’s gonna love me so much that she’ll fuck my infested ass. Don’t have time.
I think this is probably the part where my karma payment plan kicks in and I either:
A. Do something really good/nice/philanthropic.
or
B. Get an STD.

I’m praying for A.

But we’ve gotten way off subject. Yo Dawg! Let me begin to explain this app to you. Have you ever seen the show ‘Pimp My Ride’ with Xzibit? He fixes people’s fucked up cars and makes them…less fucked up. Usually involving a paintjob and some rims and a custom interior and some other really random thing like a fish tank or a place for you to store 40 hats or a computer in your trunk(that you cant remove) or some shit like that. Well, Yo Dawg! works on this idea:
Yo dawg, I heard you liked G1′s, so I put a G1 in your G1 so you can see a G1 on your G1 while you’re using your G1!
And of course, knowing me, I had to put that shit on Bruno. It’s nothing more than a picture of a G1 with Xzibit’s grinning face on it.
Genius. Simply genius.

My friends and I thought of our own “Yo Dawg” phrases and here’s some of my favorites:
1. Yo dawg, I heard you liked tee shirts, so I put a tee shirt on your tee shirt!
2. Yo dawg, I heard you liked islands, so I put your car on an island.
3. Yo dawg, I heard you hated kids, so instead of fixing your car, we filled your house with children!
D. Yo dawg, I heard you liked your girlfriend, so we put her in the trunk!
5. Yo dawg, I heard you liked cocaine, so we filled your trunk with cocaine!
6. Yo dawg, I hate cops, too, so we put one in your trunk.
G. Yo dawg, I heard you liked my music, and that’s a mistake.

Leave me some of your favorite “Yo dawg” phrases.
If you can’t tell, it usually goes, Yo dawg, I heard you liked ITEM so we put ITEM in your PLACE. That damned Xzibit and that damned MTV. Neither of them playing music anymore and shit.

Now as much as everyone hated Pimp My Ride(even though you all probably had the video game), I want to Pimp My Bruno. I’m on that shit all day anyway, so I may as well. Here’s what West Coast Customs is gonna do:
Gold plate my nigga, Bruno.
Put a Thursday dove on his back.
Write “Powered by car crashes” under the dove.
Then pull on my shirt and tell me I’ve been pimped.

Speaking of Thursday, and speaking of car crashes, them niggas in Thursday are playing the most important show of my life thus far. Tonight. In Rhode fucking Island. They’re playing all of their album, “Full Collapse”, from start to finish. Now something of this magnitude has only happened to me one time before, and that was when Glory of This got back together after two years to play a show in Pensecola with their original members. That show, I managed to see. Twas a 10 hour drive, but definitely top 5 shows of my life. Dont ask me who else played, it’s unimportant. They played their album, “Adoration” in it’s entierety sans one song that everyone in the band hated(but all the fans loved) and a song from their demo and one song, they played it twice.
Big shouts to youtube for capturing portions of the pivotal moment in my life, and further extending my love for certain parts of Florida.

So, to sum this up:
1. Yo Dawg is the best app for the G1.
2. Bruno is going to be golden and powered by a car crash.
3. If you aren’t seeing Thursday tonight. Your life is worth nothing, just like mine.
4. If you missed the Glory of This reunion show, your life is worth even less than previously.
5. Glory of This and Thursday have a lot in common.
5a) Better than A Day to Remember.
5b) Changed my life
5c) Ain’t scurred to play their old shit in it’s entirety.
5d) Better than ADTR!
6. http://rainbro.blogspot.com – FUNNIER THAN ME?
7. http://www.myspace.com/EVAh8 – SHIRTS OUT TODAY!
8. http://www.twitter.com/EVAmmh8 – SHIRTS OUT TODAY!
9. Does Xzibit still make albums?

Hey guys.
I’m not even going to try to tell you what Valentine’s Day actually is.

I was scoping out Urban Dictionary today to find out that people who post on there are the ones who hate the holiday more than anyone. I think that they hate it just about as much as Michael Cera was hatin these niggas in the next video:

And if that ain’t hate, then I don’t know what to tell you.

I hate Valentine’s Day too. Why? Not because I never have a girlfriend on the day, but because I’m poor and even if I wanted to take myself out, I couldn’t. You know when niggas are all like “I’m gonna take my boo to the fuckin movies and dinner and shit and then I’m gonna wear that pussy out!” Wear that pussy out? Like you’re gonna wanna fuck a worn out pussy after it’s initial wearing? BAD IDEA FELLAS! BAD FUCKING IDEA! I don’t even like to wear green tee shirts out and you wanna wear a pussy out!

Fucking idiots.

I made this girl a mix cd for the holiday though. Click the album art to download it:

And in case you were wondering what Valentine’s Day meant to the niggas who are hatin it out there:

1.Valentine’s Day

AKA International ‘crying and masturbating’ day.

It’s Valentines Day, so I’ll have a little wank and a little cry.

2. Valentine’s Day

Just another dumb holiday to make single people feel like second-class citizens.

I HATE Valentines Day. Every year its the same thing, “I’ll have someone next year” or maybe “see what next year holds” or “you will have someone real soon.” Bla Blaa Bla. Hell, I’m almost 30 and still alone. It all makes me sick.

3. Valentine’s Day
Named after an early christian martyr named Valentine, it is the one day where people who have no chance of getting with a girl in any way shape or form realize that fact even more…
also, the really lonely people’s mothers say they will be their valentine because they know their son it pathetic

Eli Manning – It’s Valentine’s Day again and nobody loves me. Especially since the Giants robbed the Pats of the superbowl win.
Eli’s Mother – It’s okay, honey. If it makes you feel better, I’ll be your valentine.
Eli Manning: *sniffles* Okay.

Please download that mix, too.
It’s not awesome, but I bet there’s something on there that you may not have heard before.

Yo.

What’s goin on guys? I’ve been watching the DNC and preseason football a lot over the past few days, so I’m hating my life right now, because I don’t care about politics or football.

That last sentence should cue everyone to start blasting me about my lack of intelligence and whatever other negative connotations come with not caring about politics. Do it. You guys act like I haven’t blasted my own hometown over something that I think is stupid before…

I was cruising hypebeast the other day and saw that T.I., Jay-Z, Yeezy, and Weezy all came out with a song, called “Swagger Like Us” with MIA samples for the chorus. The song gets a solid 6.5 in my book.

Here’s the song:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QlemZ32_xM]
If you guys really want to know, T.I. had the best verse, and Jay-Z or Lil Wayne had the worst verse. Kanye’s verse was good, actually. I’m really into that Chris Columbus concept.

I’ll let y’all decide between Weezy and Hova:
Jay’s verse:

No one on the corner gotta bop like this
Can’t wear skinny jeans cause my knots don’t fit
No one on the corner gotta pocket like this
so I rock Roc jeans cuz my knots so thick
You can learn how to dress just by
Checkcking my fresh
Checking checking my fresh
Checking checking my fresh
Follow my steps, it’s the road to success
Where the niggas know you thorough
And the girls say yes
But I can’t teach you my swag
You can pay for school but you can’t buy class
School of hard knocks I’m a grad
And that all-blue yankee is my graduation cap,
It’s Hova!!!
Dipping different rovers whipping with the soda
Hova!!!
Could u even have any doubt after doubt if its over

Wayne’s Verse:

No one on the corner has swagger like moi, Church
but I’m too clean for these boys
I require what I desire I got stripes, A-di-das
Mami scream papi no mas
Run up in your shit just me no Moss
Runnin this shit like I got four thighs
None has swagger like these four gods!
When it comes to styles I got several
Sharper than a swagger dagger, all metal
And my jew-els blue and yellow
The type of shit that make em call you Carmelo
Rules as follows stay true to the ghetto
Write your name on the bullet make you feel special
Haaa!!!
What the fuck you boys talking about?
I know its us cuz we the only thing you talk about

The ONLY reason I haven’t flat out said Wayne’s verse is the worst is because of the fact that Jay-Z can do better, and I’m just disappointed.

Actually….Lil’ Wayne’s verse was flat-out the worst.

While I’m on the subject of commercial rap supergroups, please tell me you heard the Remix to “Everyone Nose” by NERD. The remix features Child Rebel Soldier and Pusha T. I’m not explaining who Child Rebel Soldier is. Just listen to the fucking track:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqOBh_3QaUU]

And if you wonder why I’m not talking about who CRS is, it’s because I posted this earlier:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jC_ir5wM8mE]
Song of ’08. Fuck off.
My only complaint is how bad the kid who raps as Kanye is. But I’m amped he swings a baseball bat at a Bush pinata.

Thursday has been recording for their new album recently. Follow them on Twitter. They talk about it. Can’t wait for their split with Envy, either.

Until next time….

Good morning guys.

Today is my 21st birthday. If you’re my friend, text me or something. I’m sitting in a town where I don’t know anyone with a band of dudes that a barely know recording an album. That’s the life, I guess.

On my birthday, especially my 21st, shouldn’t I be out doing something like getting drunk? Naw. You see what I’m doing — Blogging.

I’m still in NY recording this album, but I suppose I’ll grace you with some of my latest thoughts.

You guys ever heard of a band called “Lydia”?  It’s some female-fronted indie band from Arizona.

Now, if you guys haven’t learned anything from my Sierra rants, it’s that I love female fronted bands…hell, I just love females…but I think Lydia has been played out in my eyes. They aren’t bad. I think that the style they use for their songs is very repetitive and played. I’m listening to them right now, so that I can accurately say shit. I’d reccommend them to my hip friends. Here, hip friends…listen to Lydia:

myspace.com/lydia

My guitarist is really into them, and I’m just so fucking tired of listening to them.

I don’t know if you guys know, but I’m a pretty big fan of Dance Gavin Dance. I’m listening to them right now, in fact. Their new album, which isn’t titled, should be dropping soon. I’m sure you’re expecting me to have some exclusive bullshit, but my pirate game has been lacking lately…so I’ll instead tell you about the band that their new vocalist, Jonny Craig’s, new band. The band he in isn’t new, but he’s completely flipped their script.

Y’all niggas ever heard of ‘Emarosa’? That’s them. The achieved fame from a song called “Utah (but I’m taller)”. That’s such an ill song title, btw. Well, they went from being a pretty heavy posthardcore band to a poppier sound with the switching of vocalists.

Here’s a video of Utah, from November of last year PLEASE listen all the way to that breakdown at the end:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQh4iBGX9Nk]

Here’s a video of them playing  exactly one week before today:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBDY1gTJuww]

Anyway….Emarosa’s new album, “Relativity”,  is a good CD, but in my mind….not Emarosa.

Anyone else vote for a name change or something?

Speaking of name change, here’s what Urban Dictionary had to say about Ashlee Simpson:

Ashlee Simpson

V.
To sing without moving your mouth or holding your mic.

ex – “I was having some real bad acid reflux so I Ashlee Simpsoned last night.”

I’m gonna tell you now, as funny as that is, I love the girl. She couldn’t beat Sierra in a fight…but I mean…Lil Wayne couldn’t beat Sierra in a fight.

And with that, I talked about a bunch of music.

I’m supposed to blog about this girl:

Singing Still Fly

[vodpod id=Groupvideo.1478484&w=425&h=350&fv=m%3D40743839%26type%3Dvideo%26a%3D0]

And with the video…she just blogged about herself. But I told y’all before that I just love half black myspace girls…

I’ll see y’all later.

PS – Do you want to be annoyed, but not annoyed at the same time by the electronic hardcore about video games?
myspace.com/ishottheduckhuntdog

Yeah, I’m going on tour.

In the next few weeks, I’ll be going down the East Coast.

I’ll try to use this as a tour journal and…..whatever else.

Maybe I’ll post up a bunch of pictures.

Here’s the band I’m touring with…Darling Waste.

myspace.com/darlingwaste

youtube.com/user/darlingwaste

I got a lot I want/need to talk about but just haven’t had time.

Peace bitches.